I don’t know whether any of you recall, but, I am an adult daughter of a Narcissistic(extreme) mother and last night at the age of 60, I had a nightmare about her after not having contact with her for almost 3 years now. I remember sleeping in bed, in an unknown home, and my lower lip was red, swollen, and the skin was broken. All I can think is that means an allergic reaction. Anyway, my frightening and very toxic mother was at my bedside and I tried to move away from her, but, couldn’t. I was paralyzed. It happened twice in the dream with a period of safety between the two episodes.
Tag: victim
Clarity
Why she failed in life….
They say you can’t control people.
She could be controlled.
They say you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.
She could be made to drink.
She is a mature woman and learned she never had to worry about being a bad person for she was much too good.
For her, most people aren’t worth it, she is better off with a dog.
People educate her.
She appreciates that angle.
She was never greedy or backstabbing so she finally had to get greedy or it will be too late.
Never behave in a way that you lose respect for yourself.
Even the freak at the freak show has her back turned as the people would gaze at her.
She had a mother who apologizing once was not enough.
She had to say it again, then a full sentence, what she was sorry for, and then in front of an audience.
She was so well behaved she would punish herself and deny herself rewards when no one was looking and then get mad when she would see people help themselves because she wasn’t allowed to do that.
It was never enough for the psychopathic biotch who taught her to sacrifice herself.
She ruined her once, twice and tried to kill her again anyway.
Actually make the girl kill herself.
Just to admit it when no one was around and then go on pretending in front of an audience.
Such a great actress she was that the girl would then doubt her own memory.
Saying to herself, “Did I really hear her admit that?”
The mother had the answer all along but watched her daughter break her neck to find it.
The mother would tell the daughter that it was about The Bible and Christianity.
40 years later the girl learned that Christians had rights.
It does no good to warn people about this type.
Few will believe it.
Even fewer will understand.
She worked so hard at furthering her own own life but she was actually building her own coffin.
When people matter, say your piece, say it in a variety of different ways, exhaust every possibility but then move on and don’t waste any more time.
Leave the door open in case one day they learn or change their mind.
So many will say that they can’t when in fact they won’t.
Air is absolutely free but even if the person knows CPR they don’t have to give you mouth to mouth to save your life if they don’t want to.
Moral of the story…
Don’t think that other people are like you.
There are the willing, then there are those who are not able to.
Then there are those who simply don’t want to.
The unwilling.
“I don’t want to,” they say.
Obviously they had a choice.
Saying No comes very easily to this type.
While so many others don’t even have a voice.
Cost Effective To Not Leave The House(Rant)
We are good at this by now because so many of us had to do this already in the throes of the pandemic.
Ok, many people have to go to work so they must leave their house.
All I’m saying is that if you can work from home you are that much better off.
As many of you know I am a survivor of Narcissistic abuse.
They will both rob you of your money and abuse you further.
The exact opposite of what it takes to thrive, money and love.
So I only deal with a few people anymore.
There is less risk involved.
I am proud to say that I am selective.
In fact I turn to Instagram to hear from these lovely women who motivate us and get straight to the point as to save us from yet another hard lesson.
Their video clips are more than worth watching.
That’s only my opinion.
It’s what I need to hear.
But now businesses aren’t doing right by the customer either.
Because the laundromat didn’t work(too many broken machines), I had to drive 5 miles further which is more wear and tear on my car plus gas costs.
The maintenance man wants to save on gas himself so I have to live that much longer with a drippy faucet in order to accommodate him.
Cut back on baths to save money because the dripping faucet may cause an overage on the bill.
My smartphone provider the service has been very poor. More trips, 8 miles round trip to correct the service that I am paying for but not getting. I may need a new device. That could be the problem. I will find out once it is replaced.
I thought I would have Chinese food out last night and I ordered and paid and sat down in a booth and I waited and waited.
I got absorbed in reading.
I finally walked up to the counter and they apologized putting my food in a brown paper bag that I then unpacked at the table where I had been sitting.
They thought I was taking it home.
I visited a local urgent care as a way of avoiding a hospital emergency room. The purpose of the visit was informational.
What are their hours?
How bad of an emergency do they handle?
You see if I go to a regular hospital ER once they learn I take psych meds if I’m medically ill I will be sent home.
If I am perfectly sane I am admitted to psych.
So many staff reason that if the patient takes meds and the staff doesn’t, that means that they themselves are sane and qualified to play psychiatrist.
I carry a disability advocates phone number in my wallet, an attorney.
I don’t know how much good he can do because I spoke to him a few times about the awful things I’ve had to endure and he was a little shocked that my rights were being violated.
I spend more time dodging bullets than living life.
I’ve concluded that I’m just best off staying at home.
I do enjoy zoom online.
I get my face to face that way.
My priorities are different.
Whatever conserves time, energy, and money.
It’s certainly not worth pulling your hair out.
Moral of the story…The Less Said The Better.
It’s Oftentimes Not Safe To Speak.
So it’s not safe to leave the house or to open your mouth either.
Not in my life anyway.
Psychopaths Kill With Emotion
I knew a woman who studied her life and googled on it and found that the occurrences made for her(repeated forced displacement from housing), would cause both mental health problems plus physical ailments.
Plus moving costs money and is disorienting.
Then you have to find a new support system when your chips are already down.
On top of that these harmful people will give you a double whammy of of bad news, first grief, and then shock, on top of it before the grief is resolved which just causes more mental and physical health ailments.
A broken heart plus being blindsided.
Try getting doses of hostility accompanied by word salad in repetition.
You become tired, isolated, lose hope, plus people who don’t believe you or respect you(which can anger you), and even if they do they may not have the guts to stand by you.
This is where a person has to be their strongest yet and search inside themselves and study because knowledge is power.
This is the moment you must call on everything in life that you know.
Eat, drink, read, stay clean, stay indoors if you must.
Hibernate like an animal.
A squirrel who had gathered nuts.
You can survive this.
When you do and you feel ready to resume your life you will be a powerful life force.
Life then becomes easy having survived this.
Others will turn to you as a pillar of strength.
You got this!
What The Disordered Want From You
How they accomplish this is by taking your money so that you can’t leave.
They take your friends too.
You become their sitting duck.
They are then your one and only.
They tell people you are crazy so no one will believe you as they pose as your caretaker.
This way you can’t leave them as so many already have.
There’s no help for you either.
Rise Above Refuge By Ruby 