What’s New

Asleep since 6:00pm, I woke up around midnight to have some scrambled eggs and a cold glass of Tang.

Yesterday I had a very bad case of laryngitis, a completely inaudible voice, and the day before that a sore throat and chills.

The eggs and Tang hit the spot and then I started sweating.

Lowering the heat in my apartment, “I am getting better,” I said to myself.

I was looking at the beautiful Christmas decorations on QVC online, but, said to myself, “I’ve already ordered my decorations for the year.”

I was proud that I didn’t buy them as a goal I have is to save money.

“My decorations at home are good enough,” I decided.

I am getting better in other ways as well.

I resolved my traumas sufficiently enough that I’m ready to move on as I have been out of the house more.

Which is how I caught the bug I have in the first place.

I went to church a couple of times and bought a tanning package on sale.

This gets me out of the house at least 3 days a week.

My dog has been at my side more as she is maturing and slowing down just a little which makes her more dependent.

Upon googling her breed’s lifespan, I was happy to learn that I can expect to have another 7 years with her.

She is wherever I am.

When I leave the house I turn on a lullabye for her to listen to.

I did decide to have a nice Christmas this year.

I have bought my Christmas cards and decided to mail a package out of State to a good friend of mine who has been supportive.

Not decorating until the Friday after Thanksgiving I have committed myself to cleaning up my apartment in the meantime in preparation for the indoor festivities that will take place.

I still listen to old tracks such as Bing Crosbys Christmas Classics.

What will you be listening to?

When do you typically decorate for the holidays?

Update

Pexels Image

I promised an update, a conclusion rather, on what has been going on with me whether I’m physically ill or what.

I saw my GP and I expressed my concerns and told her what has been going on with me as of late.

She offered bloodwork, but, I asked if it could wait until January(insurance coverage issues), and she said yes.

I got a prescription for routine mammogram and Dexascan(osteopenia/porosis).

The lowering of Gabapentin was good initially, but then, in no time at all I became sleepless and energetic….too much so, not a little.

So that’s not the answer.

I guess I could cut the 1/2 pill in half and take 1/4 pill.

Yes I had severe trauma in the year 2023 and 2024 was about de compensating and recovering.

Therapists didn’t see what happened to me coming either.

Total blindside.

Disabling.

So here I am today a year older and much more skilled for the experience I had.

What I need to do next seems very clear.

I take things one day at a time as they do in 12 Step Recovery Meetings.

I am working diligently on bettering myself, becoming that much more independent and keeping myself busy.

Being dependent on people was a problem because it opened up the door for abuse.

I am self raised by the way.

I sought mentors in the world.

So back to the present, while I am having my morning coffee I write down maybe 3 things that need to get done that day, plus a few affirmations that serve to remind me where I am now, and not denying the past.

It gets my day off on the right foot.

I am filling my mind with positive thoughts, empowering ones too and achieving my goals even if that just means doing the laundry, coloring my hair, thinning out my clothes closets.

I think when I was younger I was very tied up in meeting another partner, but, it was more based on need then(need can be a problem).

Now it’s me and my dog and I prefer it that way as long as we have a cozy apartment, healthy food, a reliable car, and a few good friends.

I’m sorry there isn’t a more definitive conclusion.

I was suffering(I think), from a little bit of everything.

Having A Better Day

Pexels Image

I slept really well, many hours, some of it interrupted, with my dog either alongside me, spooning me, or on top of the backs of my legs.

It’s cooler outside.

I ate more healthily such as oatmeal for breakfast and a salad for lunch.

My mind is free of traumatic thoughts and the bad things that have happened to me.

I can tend to ruminate on them.

For whatever reason I feel well today.

Like the answers to life have revealed themselves to me.

One thing a person shouldn’t do is make life any harder than it already is.

Second, I learned that you can travel and be on a really nice vacation, but, if you are traveling with the wrong people, you will probably have a horrible time.

I know I did.

Cheers.

I’m doing laundry and feel great 👍

What’s New

A soft light in my kitchen relaxes me

I keep this light on as my kitchen is in the back of my apartment where there are no windows.

The light is dim, but, my dog can see well enough to get to her water dish.

She will be 8 next month and I noticed that she seems a little disoriented when going out to pee in the black of the night.

Her breed is prone to some blindness.

I started taking estrogen and my fat is shifting as my weight on the scale is the same but my abdomen is noticeably flatter.

My hope is that my face will appear more feminine as I am an older maturing woman now.

I am going to have to find a different park to walk in as it’s small and the younger bigger kids aren’t yielding to the walkers on the paved track.

I said excuse me to one girl just to be corrected by another that I am to walk around.

Like wow.

I returned home feeling a little traumatized and unsafe in general.

What I am doing now is penny pinching and I am ok with this.

I’m pretty strong now.

I relapsed into some overeating and decorating my apartment after severe and unexpected narcissistic abuse last year.

So I’m penny pinching and only talking with select and safe people as I am focusing on eating healthily on a budget plus getting back to my walking in a new and better location.

I’m a good force on this planet and evil seeks to neutralize me.