I am a lover of the Wordpress blogs and family you find here. I particularly like the blogs where people write about themselves. I started out as a commenter before writing my own blog.
I started HRT a little over 2 months ago and I was feeling very positive about it like I was doing something in my favor but it is dawning on me now that it is in fact causing me problems.
I am more obese even though I’m certain I am eating far less and the phantom tingling in my feet isn’t phantom at all or in my imagination like I thought when it appeared some weeks back.
I did Google on it and HRT can induce diabetes so I am cutting my dose in half over the next few days and taking myself off of it.
I had so wanted it to be beneficial for me but it looks like it’s hurting me instead.
I am glad that I was paying attention and astute to these changes.
Asleep since 6:00pm, I woke up around midnight to have some scrambled eggs and a cold glass of Tang.
Yesterday I had a very bad case of laryngitis, a completely inaudible voice, and the day before that a sore throat and chills.
The eggs and Tang hit the spot and then I started sweating.
Lowering the heat in my apartment, “I am getting better,” I said to myself.
I was looking at the beautiful Christmas decorations on QVC online, but, said to myself, “I’ve already ordered my decorations for the year.”
I was proud that I didn’t buy them as a goal I have is to save money.
“My decorations at home are good enough,” I decided.
I am getting better in other ways as well.
I resolved my traumas sufficiently enough that I’m ready to move on as I have been out of the house more.
Which is how I caught the bug I have in the first place.
I went to church a couple of times and bought a tanning package on sale.
This gets me out of the house at least 3 days a week.
My dog has been at my side more as she is maturing and slowing down just a little which makes her more dependent.
Upon googling her breed’s lifespan, I was happy to learn that I can expect to have another 7 years with her.
She is wherever I am.
When I leave the house I turn on a lullabye for her to listen to.
I did decide to have a nice Christmas this year.
I have bought my Christmas cards and decided to mail a package out of State to a good friend of mine who has been supportive.
Not decorating until the Friday after Thanksgiving I have committed myself to cleaning up my apartment in the meantime in preparation for the indoor festivities that will take place.
I still listen to old tracks such as Bing Crosbys Christmas Classics.
I promised an update, a conclusion rather, on what has been going on with me whether I’m physically ill or what.
I saw my GP and I expressed my concerns and told her what has been going on with me as of late.
She offered bloodwork, but, I asked if it could wait until January(insurance coverage issues), and she said yes.
I got a prescription for routine mammogram and Dexascan(osteopenia/porosis).
The lowering of Gabapentin was good initially, but then, in no time at all I became sleepless and energetic….too much so, not a little.
So that’s not the answer.
I guess I could cut the 1/2 pill in half and take 1/4 pill.
Yes I had severe trauma in the year 2023 and 2024 was about de compensating and recovering.
Therapists didn’t see what happened to me coming either.
Total blindside.
Disabling.
So here I am today a year older and much more skilled for the experience I had.
What I need to do next seems very clear.
I take things one day at a time as they do in 12 Step Recovery Meetings.
I am working diligently on bettering myself, becoming that much more independent and keeping myself busy.
Being dependent on people was a problem because it opened up the door for abuse.
I am self raised by the way.
I sought mentors in the world.
So back to the present, while I am having my morning coffee I write down maybe 3 things that need to get done that day, plus a few affirmations that serve to remind me where I am now, and not denying the past.
It gets my day off on the right foot.
I am filling my mind with positive thoughts, empowering ones too and achieving my goals even if that just means doing the laundry, coloring my hair, thinning out my clothes closets.
I think when I was younger I was very tied up in meeting another partner, but, it was more based on need then(need can be a problem).
Now it’s me and my dog and I prefer it that way as long as we have a cozy apartment, healthy food, a reliable car, and a few good friends.
I’m sorry there isn’t a more definitive conclusion.
I was suffering(I think), from a little bit of everything.
Rise Above Refuge By Ruby 