Update

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I promised an update, a conclusion rather, on what has been going on with me whether I’m physically ill or what.

I saw my GP and I expressed my concerns and told her what has been going on with me as of late.

She offered bloodwork, but, I asked if it could wait until January(insurance coverage issues), and she said yes.

I got a prescription for routine mammogram and Dexascan(osteopenia/porosis).

The lowering of Gabapentin was good initially, but then, in no time at all I became sleepless and energetic….too much so, not a little.

So that’s not the answer.

I guess I could cut the 1/2 pill in half and take 1/4 pill.

Yes I had severe trauma in the year 2023 and 2024 was about de compensating and recovering.

Therapists didn’t see what happened to me coming either.

Total blindside.

Disabling.

So here I am today a year older and much more skilled for the experience I had.

What I need to do next seems very clear.

I take things one day at a time as they do in 12 Step Recovery Meetings.

I am working diligently on bettering myself, becoming that much more independent and keeping myself busy.

Being dependent on people was a problem because it opened up the door for abuse.

I am self raised by the way.

I sought mentors in the world.

So back to the present, while I am having my morning coffee I write down maybe 3 things that need to get done that day, plus a few affirmations that serve to remind me where I am now, and not denying the past.

It gets my day off on the right foot.

I am filling my mind with positive thoughts, empowering ones too and achieving my goals even if that just means doing the laundry, coloring my hair, thinning out my clothes closets.

I think when I was younger I was very tied up in meeting another partner, but, it was more based on need then(need can be a problem).

Now it’s me and my dog and I prefer it that way as long as we have a cozy apartment, healthy food, a reliable car, and a few good friends.

I’m sorry there isn’t a more definitive conclusion.

I was suffering(I think), from a little bit of everything.